There has never been a more toxic union than when an empath loves a narcissist. If you’re an empath and you’ve fallen in love with a narcissist then be warned – you are literally in for one “hell” of a ride!
So what is an empath? Empaths are sensitive to and can ‘feel’ the feelings of other human beings, in themselves. Empaths want to heal the world, and can’t stand to see someone in pain. Because of this, they are naturally drawn to the irreparably damaged narcissist and their tales of woe. But a narcissist doesn’t want to heal. A narcissist wants to manipulate, belittle, and most of all, continue to be a narcissist.
Even though yes, most empaths are already aware that being in a relationship with a narcissist is an unhealthy decision, they might not know exactly what they are in for- until now.
HERE ARE 18 THINGS THAT HAPPEN
WHEN AN EMPATH LOVES A NARCISSIST
1. The narcissist creates a sense of comfort for the empath by creating an illusion of true love – saying all the right words and turning on the charm. The empath incorrectly believes that their love is being reciprocated. An empath will feel a strong connection to the narcissist and may even feel that they have found the love of their life.
2. Empaths love to love. They enjoy making other people feel “whole”. Their love is deep and unconditional. The narcissist, on the other hand, has no intention of developing a stronger connection with the empath. So herein lies the foundation for the coming storm … the more love and care an empath gives, the more powerful and in control a narcissist becomes.
3. The narcissist will make the empath feel like the relationship is going well, but what is really happening is the narcissist is seeking constant validation. They ask “you love me, right?” and swiftly turn any (and every) conversation into one about themselves and their perceived needs. The empath, who loves to reassure, will quickly respond with comforting words or actions and from this, will initially receive a sense of validation and purpose.
4. The narcissist will become the center of the empath’s universe. Why? Because the empath is the one who is truly in love. They will be there for the narcissist, soothing, reassuring, and taking care of them in the belief that by throwing enough love at them, they will heal from past wounds. The narcissist will play this well, assuming the role of a victim and by so doing, manipulating the empath into giving them more love and attention – which is the only thing they really want.
What the empath may not understand is, that the narcissist’s perceived “wounds” arise from a different source than their own – namely, the results of their own bad behavior. These “wounds” cannot be healed with love because all the narcissist really wants, is attention.
5. After a while, the narcissist will begin to use “gaslighting” tactics to make the empath feel enormous self-doubt. “I never said that,” “you’re crazy,” and “you’re imagining things” or “you’re over-reacting” are common phrases that start the rapid decline of an empath’s sense of self-worth.
These tactics will emerge once the empath begins to realize that the relationship so far, has been all about meeting the narcissist’s perceived needs and that all their giving has been a one-way street. Voicing their concern will set the ball rolling and the narcissist’s mind-games will begin.
The empath, wishing to avoid conflict and confusion, will begin to feel a sense of apprehension about asking for his or her needs to be met. They will struggle to understand the narcissist’s behavior.
6. This creates a relationship of control for the narcissist. They leave the empath feeling reliant on them for everything. The empath begins to feel like no one else would want them and start blaming themselves for the deterioration in the relationship. Their self-esteem drops and they wonder whether they are “relationship material”.
The narcissist has successfully manipulated the empath by creating a twisted reality, which the empath begins to believe. The narcissist cannot be wrong and will always try to pass the blame in order to justify themselves.
7. All of these manipulation tactics and control mechanisms cause many empaths to experience severe depression and anxiety. This only furthers the empath’s belief that they “need” the narcissist in order to feel okay. They alienate themselves and the narcissist becomes their entire world.
8. Everything a narcissist says and does is a direct attack on your personal reality. They can take you from the joy and normality that you once had in your life, to a shadowy place where feelings of inadequacy and worthlessness are daily occurrences because everything you do is wrong.
9. At some stage in the relationship, the empath will reach their breaking point. The person they once were becomes someone else. Their friends and family may no longer recognize them.
10. Conflict in the relationship arises between the empath and the narcissist because the empath starts to take on the traits of their partner. Eventually, they begin to realize that their emotional needs are not being met and display actions that say “my needs matter too.”
The narcissist will see this as selfish behavior and will play the victim, using whatever manipulative tactics they feel appropriate in order to “win”. The empath will need to accept the brutal truth, that not everyone who says “I love you” really means it. The reality is, that the empath is the real victim here, not the narcissist. They have become the victim of a toxic relationship.
11. What neither member of the relationship realize, is that even after it ends (which it will), both parties continue to suffer. The narcissist will continue on to other, equally toxic relationships, and pursue various avenues in their life – but they will still be miserable.
12. And the empath will continue experiencing the abuse from a narcissist because it works like a poison in their mind and body. It enters every cell with one purpose- to destroy the reality of their target.
13. After the relationship falls apart, the empath looks to themselves as the problem. Surely it is their fault- they must have failed in some way. All of the narcissist’s toxic words come back to haunt the empath, and they think “maybe I was selfish for thinking about my own needs.”
14. However, the empath doesn’t realize something very important– there is nothing wrong with them, and they didn’t “fail” anything or anyone. In fact, there is something very right with them. They simply were manipulated, used, and lied to by someone who had no remorse about hurting another individual.
15. This begins the empaths powerful transformation. It is a painful process, but so is being with a narcissist. They begin to understand that in order to grow, they must re-evaluate their “healing” process. Everyone is worthy of love, but not everyone is deserving of trust.
16. The empath will heal. It takes a realization that they too were broken and damaged, like the narcissist, but they are willing to recognize that-whereas the narcissist simply refuses to believe they could possibly be flawed or in need of anything (or anyone).
17. The narcissist will carry on, looking for their next victim, completely unaware that their unhappiness is caused by themselves.
18. The empath will grow from this experience and recognize that parts of themselves they must protect, and balance if they are to live a wiser, more enriched life.