Does your relationship have the essential things every relationship needs? It is becoming harder and harder to find a real relationship that is based on more than just physical attraction and personality, these days? Yes, physical attraction and intimacy is an important factor in a relationship, but there has to be more than this if you want it to last.
Here’s the good news! There are other factors that make up a strong lasting relationship.
I like to think there are 5 areas in a relationship. All 5 of these categories must be strong in order to have a real relationship. Each of these factors brings a different view on the relationship and its strength. Keep these in mind when evaluating your current relationship or when you are thinking about new relationships in the future.
These factors could mean the difference between a short-term fling, and a long-term marriage.
1. Personality Compatibility (Chemistry)
Personality is different to “character” because it is more superficial. It’s a combination of all those little things that make up the way a person naturally behaves – like how they speak, how their mind works, whether they have a sense of humor that interacts well with yours (if you have one), whether they’re shy or outgoing, disciplined and driven or laid back and easy going, realist or a bit of a dreamer … that sort of thing.
Character is about values and attitudes – the deeper things. But right now, we’re talking about personality chemistry.
Personalities should complement each other in a healthy relationship. That doesn’t necessarily mean you have to date someone just like you. Certain personality types work well with opposites too – in fact, some people find a person annoying at first but then feel drawn to them as they get to know them better.
Whichever of the above applies to you, one thing is certain. By the time that you’re in a relationship, it should be with someone whose personality works well with yours. Try working out any kinks at the beginning of the relationship if possible, but remember you shouldn’t have to change the person you’re dating on a fundamental level in order to be happy.
The more you try to change someone as a person, the more they will begin to resent you. Find someone you naturally work well with and a happy relationship will follow.
2. Communication and Connection
Communication is something that has to be cultivated. It’s the foundation of every great relationship. You can’t and won’t know what your partner needs wants and/or expects out of the relationship without it. If you’re looking for a new relationship, make sure that it’s with someone whose communication style is similar to your own; someone you feel a connection with; someone who “gets you” and if it’s important to you, then with whom, (if you’re this kind of person – not everyone is) you feel that you can share your innermost thoughts and feelings.
When you are in a relationship, you are a team. As a team, you have to make sure you are providing for each other and making sure you consider and fulfill each other’s needs.
3. Friendship and Respect
Marry your best friend. Actually, start by dating your best friend. Start your relationship on a solid foundation.
You should be able to laugh together, cry together, and be there for each other during the good times and the bad. A good relationship means telling your partner all of your secrets, asking their opinions, and making them a priority in your life.
A best friend is someone you want in your life forever and always; when your partner is your best friend, you’ll do whatever it takes to make your relationship last.
For someone to feel like your best friend, they will need to have similar values and attitudes to yourself – in other words, character compatibility. You will both be walking in the same direction and the things that are important to each of you will be similar. You will also have the same ideas about where your relationship fits into each others’ priorities in life.
Have trust in your partner. I know you have probably been hurt in the past by others, but the person you’re dating or married to now is not the same person as your ex.
If your partner has done something to discredit themselves, should they really be with you? Be with someone you can trust completely. You will, of course, need to ensure that any “trust issues” are not little ‘demons’ that reside within yourself. Be careful that your own insecurities are not projected onto your significant other. When it comes to trust, be realistic.
Relationships should be a source of comfort and respite. When you don’t trust the person you’re dating, that insecurity spreads throughout your entire life. No trust = no relationship.
5. Physical Intimacy
Physical intimacy that includes a sexual component isn’t the most important thing but that doesn’t mean that sex isn’t important. Great sex improves moods and releases stress. It also creates an emotional bonding effect when it is regular and with only one person.
Having great sex will strengthen your relationship with your significant other, but remember that it isn’t everything. Find other alternatives to improve moods and release stress to keep each other happy.
But if you aren’t against having sex, then you know what to do to improve your relationship.
Of course, not all relationships are the same, but these five tenets will absolutely keep the average relationship happy and healthy!
If more people were educated in these areas, then there would be more healthy, happy, and meaningful relationships that last past just a few months. There would be far fewer divorce cases and confused unhappy people with broken hearts.