If you’ve been searching for your life partner for a long while, it can be downright scary and nerve wracking.
You’d think that the longer you’ve been at it, and the more experience you’ve built up, the more confident you’d feel about the choices you make.
But it’s often the opposite. As you get older and you’ve “been around the block a few times,” the stakes get higher. There’s more to lose. You’ve been hurt before, and you don’t want to go through that again. You want to make sure you get it RIGHT.
Even The Ideal Partner Won’t Stick Around If You Don’t Have This
So you go out on a date, and self-doubt sets in – especially when you felt attracted.
Did you say the right things? Should you have let your date pick the location rather than come right out with a suggestion? Isn’t that making you look pushy? But wait, don’t people like it when you know what you want?
And what about setting up the next date? If you’re a woman, did you give him enough indication that you had a great time? What if you weren’t appreciative enough? What if he thinks you’re not into him? Should you send a reassuring text?
If you’re a man, do you think you showed her you could take care of her? What if you did too much of that, and now she thinks you’re a control freak? Should you have played it more cool?
None Of These Things Matter
What?
That’s right – none of these typical dating woes you worry about will make a shred of difference when you’ve met the right person.
You can say the “wrong” thing. Or neglect to say something you think you should have. It doesn’t matter if you sleep together after 3 dates or 3 months. You can talk about your exes. You can talk about your kids. You can admit you still haven’t really figured out what you want to be when you grow up.
If you don’t believe me, talk to a few couples who enjoy a genuine, lasting relationship. Ask them what their early days were like. Chances are, their stories are full of interesting little details that could have spelled the end. And those things could have put the brakes on a budding relationship between two other people. But when you’ve found your life mate, these details really don’t matter.
Except for one thing: whether or not you love yourself.
The Automatic Deal-breaker
The only detail that can derail a relationship with the right person is how much you believe you are worthy of love, and how much love you give yourself.
Your unresolved self-criticism and judgment will create all sorts of booby traps that will keep you from fully engaging in a new relationship – and building the necessary intimacy. Your feelings of unworthiness will create “triggers” for you – and the developing closeness will shore up your underlying fears of not deserving this love.
No other person but you can make you feel lovable – not even the right person. It has to come from you first.
Make Sure YOU Are The Right Partner
The best way to increase your odds for landing in the right relationship – and getting off the dating treadmill for good – is to BE the right partner.
And the critical ingredient for that is self-love.
If you are plagued by self-doubt and insecurity, if you’re highly critical of yourself (more so than you are of others), or if there’s any part of you that you wish were different, then you need a primer on self-love.
You have to fall in love with yourself, before someone else can.
You must banish the personal demons that keep you from being completely at peace with yourself – and that are keeping you from forming a lasting relationship with someone who is ready and willing to create a genuine partnership with you.
Once you learn to love yourself, you’ll be free from the burdensome self-doubt that you’ve lived with. And you’ll finally be able to share your life with that one person who truly wants to be with you, and only you.
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