Fear is a strange thing.
When you’re in a scary situation – say you’re confronted by a wild animal – it’s easy to know what you’re feeling. You’re afraid. And you know that what’s causing the fear is a very definite threat to your physical well being.
Fear has a purpose. It is meant to keep you safe. You want to get the heck away from that creature as fast as possible. And fear compels you to take action.
When it comes to relationships, fear is more difficult to identify. You’re not exactly sweating bullets and fearing for your life. You probably don’t have such a strong response.
But the fear is just as valid.
We’ve found that relationship-based fears (some call it “fear of intimacy”) tend to come in two flavors. And both serve the same purpose: to keep you safe. Unfortunately, they also keep you from having a close, loving relationship.
Relationship-Based Fear #1: Fear of Being Abandoned
This one is familiar to most people.
Being in a committed, loving relationship involves taking risks. To fully know another and create intimacy, you need to be vulnerable. The minute you commit to being with someone and being loved, you also open up the possibility of being left.
It’s a very scary premise – that you can let someone into your heart only to have the relationship not work out.
The threat here is clear: it’s the pain of heartbreak. This threat is especially terrifying if you’ve been looking for the “real deal” for a long time and can’t bear the thought of another relationship not working out.
This is fear’s way of keeping you safe – if you don’t get too close, there’s nothing to fear (or so we tell ourselves).
Relationship-Based Fear #2: Fear of Being Smothered
As much as you may genuinely want a lasting, loving relationship, part of you might be afraid that having such a relationship is going to take away your freedom.
The common “other half” mentality actually leads to fears about getting into a relationship – by suggesting that we are each somehow incomplete until we find a partner, we might feel that we have to compromise a great deal.
Being single comes with a lot of freedom – you get to decide what to do with your time and what your priorities are. The prospect of a close relationship presents another kind of threat: the potential loss of individuality, autonomy, and personal space.
How To Know If You Have Either Of These Fears
Fear of being abandoned and being smothered show up in a lot of ways. Sometimes people are very picky about a mate, or they check out of the whole dating process altogether. Others create unnecessary expectations for relationships, or inadvertently stir up tension in a relationship when they do get into one.
And here’s the kicker: these two fears tend to take hold of us at the same time!
We genuinely want to be in a relationship, but we are also equally afraid of being left AND of losing ourselves.
Any wonder why finding a great partner and creating a healthy relationship can feel like taking a shot in the dark.
But once you dissolve these fears, you unshackle yourself from their effects. And then, love will start flowing your way so fast, you won’t want to stop it.
Free Yourself From The Fear That’s Keeping Love Away
Katie and Gay Hendricks both struggled with fears of abandonment and being smothered before they met each other (over 30 years ago!), and these fears still crept in after they got together.
But because they were both deeply interested in relationships, they discovered how to keep these fears from interfering in their lives.
That’s a big part of the reason why their marriage works and why they’ve been able to help thousands of singles and couples experience love to the fullest.
Now it’s your turn. Their best selling book, Attracting Genuine Love, is dedicated to helping you blast past any fears that are holding you back from a wonderful relationship.
You’ll read all about Gay’s deep-seated fear of abandonment – which led him to be very critical of Katie. Once he realized the root of his criticism, they were finally able to enjoy the kind of intimacy they’d only dreamed about.
Attracting Genuine Love will also guide you though exercises that will help you leave old patterns in the past so that you can step into a future overflowing with love.
When you go through this program, you’ll know you’re doing everything you can to prepare yourself for your partner, and you’ll also stop wasting time in the wrong relationship.
There’s something else Gay needed to learn about himself before he was able to attract Katie.
For years he had struggled with difficult and go-nowhere relationships, and he wondered if perhaps he was missing some kind of “love gene” that would allow him to be happy in a relationship.
If you’ve been feeling the same way – that maybe you’re just not cut out for love – then you need to read how Gay discovered the real root of his relationship troubles and what he did so that Katie appeared in his life only a month later:
There’s no need to fear being left – or being trapped in a relationship. When you’re finally in the right relationship, you’ll know what it’s like to feel completely safe. You’ll be able to feel a close connection with your mate, while maintaining your own individuality – honoring yourself and each other.
It’s a delicious feeling like no other.
When our fears stay unresolved, we repeat dangerous behaviors and patterns that block love from our lives. In order to truly embrace love and intimacy, we must first understand where our fears come from and then get rid of them. If we don’t, we’ll keep attracting “go-nowhere” relationships, unavailable men or women, and heartbreak.
Attracting Genuine Love will help you permanently break free from the cycle of dating disappointment and loneliness, and give you the skills and beliefs you need to finally attract the right partner.
It’s normal to have fears, but it’s up to you to make sure they don’t run your love life. So get ready to create a magical relationship that gets better each day.
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